OK, so now I’m a Cubs fan. Let’s take a look at what I’ve gotten myself into.
The Cubs lost 96 games last year. Hey, there were two teams with worse records. Kansas City and Tampa Bay. Moral: Don’t have two words in the name of your city. But still that’s a lot of losing.
Let’s drill a little deeper-the heartbreak factor. What was the Cubbies record in 1-run games? 15-26. the worst in the majors. Uh oh. That demonstrates a lack of heart and grit and a paucity of pitching. Or maybe Dusty Baker was a crappy game manager. Yeah, that’s it. Lou Pinella will fix all of that.
How about historically? Hmm…last in the World Series in 1945. Last won the world series a century ago. Nowhere to go but up.
Let’s look on the bright side. They’re for sale. That’s a good thing! Baseball teams that are for sale feel free to open up the purse strings and pay megabucks for free agents, because they know that the new owners will end up paying the bulk of the salaries and it will improve the perceived value of the entire franchise. It’s kinda like putting in a new Viking kitchen in your house when you know you’re going to sell it in a year. You should get your money back for it, plus you get to enjoy the bad-ass stove top until you move.
That’s one for the good. So who did the Cubs pick up in the off-season? Of course the big news was paying $136 million (that’s nine figures!) for Alfonso Soriano. He’s a stud who seems to get more powerful every year. Which is a good thing, since he’ll be almost 40 by the time his contract is up. Hell, if he keeps improving at this rate, he’ll hit 96 home runs in the last year of his contract. I guess I’m already drinking the Cub-ade.
Mark DeRosa was a solid pickup at second base, since he can play almost anywhere on the field and can bat anywhere in the order. He should prove to be the definition of a utility infielder. But hopefully he won’t play much at third base, since Aramis Ramirez agreed to come back to the Cubs for a paltry $73 mill over five years. I guess he figured at that rate, he couldn’t afford the moving van.
If nothing else, the Cubs will have the roster with the most romantic sounding Latin names on it with players like (cue Antonio Banderas): Alfonso Soriano, Aramis Ramirez, Angel Guzman, Roberto Novoa and Geovany Soto. Unfortunately, all that sexiness is completely undone by Ryan Dempster, Rocky Cherry and Buck Coats.
You notice the one thing I didn’t mention in all those positive roster moves? Any new pitching. Ah, there’s the rub. We’ll address that next time campers. Until then, tip back an Old Style for me.
